A family care drama described on social media has garnered more than 12,000 reactions and 3,000 comments – with more still weighing in on the situation.
It’s about caring for a 75-year-old man who has lost his wife and is still grieving – and a son who wants to move the father into his own family home despite his wife’s objections.
A mother-of-three has clarified details on Reddit about her husband and father – and asked others for their thoughts.
She said her husband’s mother “passed away at the end of last year. It was very hard for him and his father. The holidays were rough. My husband is still struggling and I have done my best to be kind, supportive and understanding.
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However, the woman also said: ‘He has been less attentive with our three children’, who she says are 14, 12 and 9 – ‘and I’m pretty sure he’s also struggling at work, but he won’t admit it.He started therapy about a month ago and goes once a week.
The Redditor did not share the location of the family – but added that just weeks ago her husband said he wanted his 75-year-old father to move into the house.
“He said his dad was struggling too and being in the house he shared with his wife [for] the last 50 years do him no good.
She also wrote on Reddit, “He had a full plan so it was obvious to me that he had been planning this for a while without telling me.”
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The wife and mother said her husband ‘wants to move his dad into the room we just moved our middle child into last summer’.
“I told him that not much time had passed since his mother’s death and that it was too early to make such drastic changes in everyone’s life.”
Prior to that, she says, the couple’s two youngest children “shared a bedroom, so we did some renovations to make an extra bedroom to [that] all our children could have their own space.
Now, she says, her husband “wants to force our two youngest to share a room again so his dad can move in. He also wants to talk to his dad about putting their house on the market or possibly renting it out, which means [her father-in-law] would be here long term.
Then came the meeting.
“After presenting his plan, he asked me what I thought about it,” the woman said.
“I told him my immediate reaction was ‘no’. I told him that not much time had passed since his mother’s death and that it was too early to make such drastic changes in everyone’s life.
She said she also told her husband that “his dad will get better with time, and we all need to take a step back and not rush into decisions.”
But the husband “was not happy with my answer and kept asking me for specific reasons other than ‘not enough time has passed’. I suggested we look at different housing options for his dad if he feels uncomfortable at home, which I get.
The woman told others on social media that “watching my husband deal with his grief has been difficult, especially as it affects his ability to be present with me and the children.”
She revealed that her stepfather “has enough money saved up to afford a good retirement home or a small condo, which would still allow everyone to have their own space.”
But her husband “didn’t like the idea either because it would mean his dad still lives alone.”
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The woman told others on social media that “watching my husband deal with his grief has been difficult, especially as it affects his ability to be present with me and the children. I really don’t want a second grieving man in our house.
She said it wasn’t fair to her children either.
She also said that her husband, if he heard these last reasons, might think “she’s selfish, and maybe I am”.
The father-in-law apparently lives about three hours away, “so it is difficult to visit him. We also live in a lovely rural area and the nearest town with respectable care homes is over an hour’s drive away, so even this option isn’t ideally close, but still is.
The woman added: ‘I know it sounds selfish, but I just don’t think I could handle two grieving men in my home. I can barely handle one right now.
Fox News Digital reached out to a clinical psychologist in New York for insight into the standoff.
Many commenters on the “Am I the a–e” subreddit, meanwhile, weighed their own thoughts.
“I think the husband has tunnel vision. He only sees his and his father’s grief and no one else around him.
One person supporting the mum wrote: ‘Living with someone, let alone pushing your kids to share a room indefinitely, is a big deal.”
The person added that a “much better option” would be a family discussion about the stepdad “buying a smaller place nearby”.
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Another commenter elicited a strong reaction to this point: “I’m stereotypical, but what are the chances that the [father-in-law] relied on his wife for cooking and housework, and would transfer that expectation” to the original poster?
“There are wonderful nursing homes that provide wonderful accommodations.
Another person also indicated their support for the mother, writing, “I think the husband is narrow-minded. He only sees his and his father’s grief and anyone else around him and how it affects the people around him.
Another person expressed an opinion with which many others also agreed: “Roles and marriages were quite different 60 years ago and no doubt his wife probably did everything for him – cooking, cleaning and laundry.”
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This person continued, “I would have a conversation with him to explore his thoughts on what he would like to do. I hope he has a hobby or maybe some friends. If he wants to stay home, there are companies like Visiting Angels who will watch him during the week and cook meals, clean and provide companionship.
This same person added: “Also, there are wonderful retirement homes that offer wonderful accommodations, gourmet meals, day trips, recreation and the opportunity to make new friends your age who would have much in common.”
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The person ended with: “Nothing could be worse than being old, only your children are grown and your lifelong spouse passes you by.”
Another commentator put forward this thought: “Has anyone spoken to the [father-in-law]? He is a real adult capable of making decisions.
#Selfish #motherofthree #refuses #support #grieving #stepfather #family #drama #barely #cope
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